Monday, May 12, 2014

Dear Baby in my Belly

How are you, little boy? Are you comfortable in there? Are you running out of space yet? (I am-your aunts think you look like a basketball and Courtney asked me how I carried you around, haha). Are you getting ready to meet the world?

I've been pregnant and had you in my belly for so long that I don't even really notice it anymore. When I have a busy day and am out running errands or whatever, I don't even feel like my belly is any bigger than anyone else's. Then I'll see someone look at my stomach and remember. I'm just so used to having you in there. Sometimes I look at pictures of myself early in this pregnancy or even before and I wonder, "Was my stomach ever really that small?" It seems impossible.

I really like being pregnant with you. You hear about women who get terribly sick, or terribly moody, or terribly uncomfortable, or terribly swollen, but so far I have just been terribly happy. I had about 7 straight months of pure bliss, no stress, no unhappiness, and suuuper clear skin. You are the best baby! I went to the doctor's this morning and he said, "I just can't believe you're not even swollen at all!" I had to correct him and tell him my feet have been a tiny bit swollen, but that's it. My wedding ring isn't even any tighter. And my feet are pretty bony to start with so it's kind of impossible to tell they are even swollen. If I wasn't having problems squeezing my feet into one particular pair of shoes, I wouldn't even have noticed. You've been so good to me and my body, baby.

Some things I love about being pregnant:

  1. I get to feel your every move, including those cute little hiccups.
  2. You really really really need me. It's a surprisingly nice feeling.
  3. People are so nice to pregnant ladies! Strangers all the time tell me, "Congrats!" or "You look great!" (Keep on with that second one in a few weeks everybody, I have a feeling I am going to need it!)
  4. Nesting. It's been fun.
  5. All the happiness that comes from carrying you, creating you, loving you, looking forward to you. I feel like all of my dreams are coming true. 
  6. Satisfaction and gratitude. I have you, I have your dad- you two are everything and there's nothing else in the world to want.

I am officially 39 weeks pregnant, and it just seems so surreal that pretty soon I will have a newborn. I've wanted to be a mother for my whole entire life, and it's about to happen. When I was a kid and it was my birthday or Christmas Eve, I would a lot of times wake up in the middle of the night and be so excited I couldn't sleep. I've done that twice in the past week! Normally I can take a nap in the day, no problem, but I am even too excited to do that. I just keep thinking about you. What will you look like? What will you sound like? I hope you get a deep voice like your dad. I secretly hope you are a miniature version of your dad. What will it feel like to hold you? Baby soft skin? What will birth feel like? I'm not nervous about birth at all, I'm looking forward to it. Maybe that's because I haven't done it before, but there's nothing I'd rather experience more than bringing you into the world. I want to feel it. I can't help but think of it as something sacred. I already love you, but I hear I am about to become totally smitten. I hope you are smitten back.

I also want you to know that normally I am an accidental procrastinator, meaning to be ready well before but always getting things done just in time. But you are different, we literally have everything ready for you. 

You can stay in my belly as long as you need to baby, but I am so excited to meet you that I hope you don't want to stay in there too much longer. I promise I will do my very best at being your mama. We are going to be so happy. I am so grateful Heavenly Father is trusting us with you, so is your dad.  We love you, our baby boy.

Love forever,

Your mama

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